Fight Club Jelly Party Time
I don’t get in to every code of football or every form of motor racing. I have my opinions and I have my standards. I feel the same way about wrestling. When I was young and found out WWF Wrestling wasn’t real I felt tricked. Surely a man named Hulk Hogan was in the real business of crushing heads. He was acting. (His reality TV show was actually worse than his acting.)
UFC came along and nobody felt safe, a short stocky Brazilian guy can beat a guy with a beard and tattoos. Reality was way too real. Then I noticed the ring girls, parading around on stage, disappearing before I got scared while watching another psychotic face smashing.
One day while enjoying the last of the jelly cups and watching the ring girls intently, it dawned on me. I needed a ring girl in my cup. She might be lonely so I would need two. And of course they would have to fight. If only I could think of a name for such an arrangement.
On the weekend I went to my first Big Boys Club Bucks Party at the Club House. There it was a giant jelly cup filling up with girls! Whoever ticked the Jelly Wrestling option for this Bucks is a certifiable legend! The girls in the jelly were really going for it; I mean they could fight crazier than the vampire babes in Dusk till Dawn. All the excitement of sport while feeling more than a little randy Macho Man Savage. You can’t experience Jelly Wrestling on your TV, you got to get out and organise it yourself. I know now that the car park out the back of Coles is not a place to do that (cops said). Get down to Shnitz n’ Tits and check it out.
Rugby World Cup Semi Final Sunday Wallabies vs. All Blacks
This Sunday Australia and New Zealand will go to war. The whole population of New Zealand, Queensland, New South Wales and possibly four Victorians will watch the Rugby World Cup (RWC) Semi Final. Being so far away from other continents here are two countries that relish any opportunity to skip over the pond and fight each other in any sport. We all know Australia is mad for any sport where you can get into the Green and Gold, New Zealand is mad for any sport that is rugby. New Zealanders know that if Australia beats them in the RWC they may as well pack up their skinny little continent and head north. But if they win Australia will have to quickly remind everyone that some of us were not that into rugby any way and um have you seen the latest Netball results?
Rugby is a spectacle of gladiatorial proportions. Just like an ancient fighting match I have no idea what the rules are. It looks to me like somebody told thirty guys to line opposite each other, here’s a ball, get it past those guys. And by the way, you can only pass backwards. Err what? While this is basically correct there are a few more rules and scenarios. Rugby has a Maul, as does a victim of a dog attack. As far as I can tell a maul is a dynamically aggressive game of Twister being pushed along a field by some really big guys until somebody’s leg or foot is separated from their body and a brightly coloured referee blows a whistle in delight? All this and more for over an hour! It couldn’t be more dramatic if Tom Hanks were playing.
Drama and Rugby go together like cocaine and waffles. Ever seen the film Invictus when Morgan Freeman plays Nelson Mandela and Matt Damon played Rugby? Sundays match is going to be Rugby X Drama to the power of Maths! Don’t miss it.